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I was seriously, seriously in love

"I found my ex-girlfriend, the first person I ever loved. I was with her for six months. We were fourteen and I was seriously, seriously in love. The site doesn't exist anymore, maybe it's only the cache. She lists me as 'her favorite person' and says 'who she loves' -- "my Kiota."

Ki Livejournals this on 01 February 2006, a bit over eleven years ago now. She also comments that "I'm crying" --- she's very moved at being remembered this way --- and she bitterly reflects that "just last night I fucked him, he's three times my age" and writes that she misses Teava both as a person and for the quality of the first love that they shared. Their paths had separated about two years earlier.

A composited picture:IMG_7986 (123) (Teava from march 2008).jpg

And here's what Teava looks like now, from a Facebook posting this January. On her left is her son, who's now about seven:TEAVA JESSICA KARAFFA TEAVA and son (1) FB pic 20 Jan 2017 16195528_10208645228635767_9205454290669177950_n.jpg

Quite obviously, their lifePaths had taken quite different tracks. T moved to America, put down roots, married her best (male) friend, and now creates anime' art and works in the office of a pdoc. Of all things.

Several things inspire this post besides the timelessness and permanence of love :"Though lovers shall die, Love shall not / And Death shall have no dominion."

It's Sunday night 05 March here in Washington State, USA, and I'm sitting in the same motel I headquartered in when I visited Ki (465 weeks ago now.) Her presences are very strong, as always. Even more so when the bus I took to campus a few days ago got totally lost through the forest on our way to the libe, suddenly we were driving slowly down the walkway directly in front of her dorm, turned around the edge of her room, and skirted the Frisbee field where she had photographed her Evergreeners series (posted in her Deviant Art gallery.) The walkway is wide enough for cop cars, and she blew smoke from a spliff from the room we shared, her room, out of her window at the top of the cop car which was patrolling beneath.

It's another of those times on the bus when being lost really meant being found. We had walked on that walkway more than once when I was there.

How worlds have changed across the years.

Another inspiration comes from the success and tragedy of a film called "The Bodyguard", filmed in winter 1991-92 and starring Whitney Houston, age 28. It was her first film, she played a singer, and irl the film soundtrack with her songs went 17x-Platinum and sold 44 million copies worldwide, still the record for a single female vocalist. At age 48, Houston died by drowning in a bathtub following a drug overdose. Almost three years later to the day, her only child Bobbi also died --- at age 22, heart attack triggered by drowning in a bathtub following a drug overdose.

Pot and drugs, then, were involved with Whitney, Bobbi --- and Ki also. Among other things, Ki and I had been collaborating on a screenplay based on one of her short stories. It would have been Ki's first, also.

The word is that Evergreen is going to demolish Kiota's cottage-style dorm, along with four more, sometime this summer to make way for a new multistory dorm building. So even her dorm won't exist anymore.

How all these threads interact --- are we enfolded in love and creativity in the midst of death or are we enfolded in death in the midst of love --- depends on what your core focus is, how each one of us sees her life through the misty lens we're given, for however many days and weeks or years.

I think we are each of us photographers; in the literal sense, "photography" means "writing with light".

That light can be bright or dimmed, of course, sometimes many times in a single day.

For those of us still wanting to stay around her table in this memorial J for awhile, I think we drink of this brightness timelessly.

As Ki offers. In her creativity in her writing, in picturing, in her light. And in what she desires to do to counteract PTSD from abuse in the lives of you / me / others, different lifePaths from her own but at the same time, the same.

As Ki offers.

<=> <=> <=> <=>

Blessings Be from Brad/Silverplate88 co-Mod with Otter

Comments

I'm glad to see you're doing well Brad. your posts continue to bring light when my own world is very dark right now. blessings!
I'm channeling our Light in your directions, of course. Ki hopes your world will start to grow to illuminate through your dark mist, in time as time will take. And so do I too!

<3 Brad
I really needed this memory of love in my life at the moment. It's been a rough couple of weeks. Thank you.
memories keep love real, don't they.... and it's the other way around, too!

:Brad