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kiotadreams1 purp pillow

clutching my teddy bear tight

........poem of a broken girl............

and i feel myself breaking
violent winds wracking me from
the inside, battering against
my ribs. and i feel myself
bleeding, the old scars opening
up. because they never did close.

and my eyes are dark circles
and my hands are too weak
and my face is the ghost
of a little girl. i feel
like a ghost. fading. like
a dream of something you can't
quite understand. and by the
time you wake, it's already

i'm a bloody question mark
on a white sheet. bloody illusion.
no matter how many times i
wash the stain of blood, it
won't ever go away. starched
pillowcases and a teddy bear
holding the memories of a sacred
childhood. was i ever a child?
i must've been, once.
everyone was a child, once.
even me.

and i'm trying to remember
clutching my teddy bear tight.
an inanimate object
but he understands better than any.
trying to remember those days
of dancing barefoot in the rain
of thinking i loved, of laughing
just because i felt
like laughing. those days when
i was immortal just because
i wanted to live so bad.

and i'm thinking
it never really
just a shadow
just a memory

of a dream
and i've already waken.


spacing and end-stops are faithful to the original.
she wrote no commentary.
dated May 2004, Ki at just 15.
posted 27 Feb 2007... NOT in PostPoems, perhaps AvidGamers
later erased (by Anna??)

so you had to look quickly for this one.
but many related visual interps survive.
principally as studies of Becky.
-----GLASSY comes close to the ghost/spirit theme, over at her DeviantArt galleries.

a painful poem from the pain-filled side of Kiota.
---but you don't get to love just her creative, positive side
---try that, and you miss so much...
------ in fact, you shrink your own self.

and of course the 27th of February is not the only day she was immortal.
---May 9th, 2015, isn't either...

Blessings Be.