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kiotaweapon 1 pen

my back hurts so much

(Virginia Woolf, "Essays", 1938:)

"only when we put two and two together: two pencil strokes, two written words --- only then do we set up some stake against oblivion."


(convo with Kiota, 2008, seventy years later:)

me - "I got you something... it's a cool DVD training video about women's self defense, used in police work. I'd like you to treat the DVD as a gift, as you choose. I am also sending you some cash for artistic support and/or a new photoprint order, however we'd like to play it. Money order, coming Priority Mail with the DVD, should be there Wednesday March 12.

Maybe you could use some for a massage... you really need that and you sure as hell have earned it...

I want you to feel safe and protected and empowered and only YOU will be able to work out how you feel. But I can help, and I just did, and I wanna continue, provided you'll let me.

I also would have you feel like you matter. You always HAVE mattered. To me: I speak only for myself. Surely others do too, in their ways, but that's for them to tell you."

Ki - "Awesome!! :D I should have them on Monday the 17th (because I overslept ridiculously on Wednesday, Thursday, AND Friday.) I'm really excited :D And cash! Oh, cash is awesome and JUST what I needed! The massage costs $12 and I think it's tomorrow, the 18th. If it is I'll definitely do that. My back hurts so much from sitting at the computer.

I will email you the second I get it. omg. :D Thank you so so much. And I'll get your order ready too so I can send it as soon as I have money in the bank."


Of course this was not without other costs. Most of her European circle, if they gave their opinions at all, speedily went incendiary, blasted themselves into orbit, and accused me (to her) of being a drug enabler, very bad influence, champion of lesbianism (a terrible thing for her boy), even supporting her infatuation for one of them (female), and other nefarious things Ki wouldn't tell me about but just giggled at.

I remember a Friend posting something like, "If you think I drop everything to rush money across the country to people I've never met, you're very mistaken!" (But I think she did contribute.)

I'm smiling at all of this even now as I type it.

For me, it was easy: I had a little extra, she needed it, the printing company she was using was doing a super job, and always had been; .... so. At that point I'd been one of her photo-customers for a little over two years.

And as it worked out, she DID get massaged and I DID get printed!

The opening quote from Woolf was on my LJ entry frame for awhile, I love it, and Ki also knew and admired Woolf. A celebrated author who feared she was losing her mind beyond the ability of any pdocs to treat her successfully, Woolf ended up drowning herself as the German blitz bombers reached into the countryside beyond London, where she had found refuge. Also, VW was gay/bi, fierce champion of women's rights in England in the 20's and 30's. And a survivor of child sexual attack.

American author Michael Cunningham wrote a brilliant book, "The Hours", time-traveling through generations and across the Atlantic to tell a story based on VW's own writings, also made into an awesome movie of the same name. Streep, N. Kidman, Ed Harris, Toni Collette, Jeff Daniels, Julia Stiles, others. If you Netflix it or Kindle it, I doubt you'll reget it one bit.

And it strikes me that Woolf these days would not any longer have to sharpen quill pens or look for pencils, she'd no doubt be setting up her anti-oblivion stake in front of her laptop.

Might need a massage, too.