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Olympus Sureshot

WTF how does she get all those donations?

(convos 2008-03-15 and -17)

me- "It seems that her plan is to leave a camera AND a projector with each girl -- to keep as a personal gift -- to start her photog career. Totally fantastic. She's already got something like 300 cartridges of film as a donation from Kodak. omgomg. Her first ED IP clinic stop is north of Los Angeles and it's run by pdocs who totally disagree with THIN (Lauren Greenfield's book) in terms of rules and restrictions, they call them 'destructive therapy.' Instead, the approach is loving and understanding and empowerment and convincing the girls they are not alone and they will never be.

They do an approach totally different from Eitanim (the facility Ki was locked up in at age 14, in Israel) and Renfrew (one of the leading ED clinics for women, in Florida, USA). (Unlike them,) nobody is given up on. They are all given exactly as much comfort and encouragement as they need.

Carolyn Costin. Monte Nido. googleable. :P :P"

Ki- "...WTF how does she get all those donations? Damn, I'd love some free film and maybe a fancier camera and some lenses... I'm glad she seems to be advancing well with that :D"

me - "dunno how she does donations, maybe she'll tell me when I'm down there next week. I'm sure her MFA in art --- and the fact that she's having a book coming out from a major US publisher --- don't hurt her at all. Kodak prob cut a product placement deal in her final film print or somewhere in her advertising....

I get the impression that Stacy's something of a street kid who's been through a lot of shit. THAT indelibly teaches you a bunch of things, as you know ..."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

WARNING MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SUICIDE AND BODY MODS BELOW

My meeting with Stacy Pershall in NYC was something of a disaster... she was high and trembling and wanted me to give her thousands of dollars for her project and told me she needed to use the money for back rent or she'd be kicked out of her apartment. She gave me six knitted wool caps she had made, so I could take them to Ki, when I explained who Ki was and that she and Ki were both working with the homeless.

Intimately connected with LJ. Stace launched an LJ appeal, wanting everyone who read her blog to send her a dollar, she'd easily have 50,000. But she jumped right in, first, hired a Hollywood cinematographer... who immediately wanted to see a budget. (You really don't wanna mess with pros when you don't know what you're doing.) The c-tog would be making a film of Stace visiting ED treatment centers and doing her thing. Well, there wasn't any budget because she hadn't thought it out, there's a lot of overhead costs in producing an answer print, even a rough cut, of a Super-8 analog film (go ask somebody who's a camera geek.) there wasn't any money to fund it, the LJ campaign croaked at about $700 or $800, most of that in tens and twenties from friends. (This was way before the days of Kickstarter.)

Two weeks later, Ki was delighted with one of her caps, "Ohhh, I want to keep this one! (It was a solid brown-gold match to her hair.) "It might get all flat and lopsided, though... I mean my hair not the cap. I know just who needs them, thank you so so much!" And she took them downtown on location-filming.

How much shit S had actually gone through I would only find out later. Much later.

The project died but the book did not, one day back here in America I was browsing in the Harvard Coop and there it was. "Loud in the House of Myself: Memoir of a Strange Girl" by Stacy Pershall, WW Norton, 2011 and 2012. Title is from a writing by Audre Lorde, the famed black lesbian poet and feminist, women's rights advocate.

And there is so much of Ki's story right there on Stacy's pages. They could have written it together.

ED and BPD and violent breakups triggered Stacy's suicide attempt at age 28. She filmed stills of herself on webcam, lots of cams all around her apt and a cam in the bathroom, which updated every 30 seconds by uploading to the web. She quotes the cost at twenty dollars each month, to subscribe. She says webcams were pretty new in '99, somebody was writing a book on them, this lady watched Stace overdosing/killing herself in real time, zoomed over there, broke down the door with medeworkers to save her.

There were multiple drug scrips, maybe 24 varities or so through years of therapy, "before I found the three that worked."

Her book finishes her story as of 1999 so there's nothing about the Super-8 project, that's years in the future. But there's plenty about BPD-DID; one passage comes right out of Ki too --

"People with Borderline Personality Disorder are notorious for self-destruction in the face of breakups. The worst thing we can imagine is being called out on our faults and subsequently abandoned --- the pain of betrayal is so intense that it can feel as if the person who left us has taken our heart and soul with them. ... we cannot imagine that things had ever been better or that they ever will be better. We are either invincible or wholly worthless, and if we're worthless, we might as well die..."

Comes right out of the aftermath of the Ki-Ruud debates.

Ki in her last LJ post, April 2008: "I can't see this ever getting any better."

Stacy went on to a new marriage (male) and to kindasorta recover through intensive DBT sessions, that's way beyond the scope of this post, you can google it. I told Ki that I'd explain it to her if she wanted, but we never got around to it. Maybe some of you reading this have been precisely on that path...

Blessings Be from Brad/Silverplate88

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