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when i wake up

"When I wake up in the morning I'll just have to hurt more."

Ki journaled this in early April 2008, despairing of finding any way out of her depression, either with her inner resources or through outside help with pdocs.

There is perhaps only a small correspondence between a mental/emo disorder and a physical one, like cancer ... but today on Facebook I was part of a discussion on that, and I posted as follows:

"Cancer does not HAVE to be horrible. I am living with malignant cancer, not dying with it. Nor fighting with it, because mine is inherited from my father. What is important to me in these days is always to stay open to the light of Allah, and follow happily where I am guided, and always to realize that we could not be aware of any illumination at all, if there were no darkness to contrast it with."

In our few days together, Ki and I discussed Islam and their philosophy about the end of life and the beginning of rebirth. She was in quest of some set of spiritual meanings, posting about that on her ProgressiveU blogs... exploring paganism, Christianity, reform Judaism, and others, spreading out from her belief system, from her upbringing in the West Bank of Israel.

We talked very closely, in her room, in terms of what I've posted now, nearly nine years later.

What is important also, now, is the light she has left for many of us, timelessly.

Blessings Be from Brad/Silverplate88 co-Mod with Otter of Ki's Memorial Journal