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I wish I had an angel

"In case it isn't obvious, I love the Pachelbel Canon, Canon in D. I have played it on the piano hundreds of times... and I never tire of it. It is a work of genius."

Ki placed this note at the bottom of her poem about the Canon, which she posted on 16 July 2003.

"... delicate strands of music..." she had written.

Something else might not be obvious, either. Until you look closer.

One of her favourite bands is the Finnish heavy-metal symphonic fantasy group NIGHTWISH. She posted their name in her list and offered to share downloads she'd stored in her computer.

Their lead singer, a girl vixen costumed in black-and-silver bondage-style harnesses, performs, backed by a band, one of whose guitarist members scowls at you like he was Satan incarnate in black. Recorded at unheard-of high volumes, their releases are done through Nuclear Blast Records. And that's exactly what they sound like. (To me, anyway!)

This is about as far away from "delicate strands of music" that you can get.

They are great hitmakers: one of their studio composite videos, "Amaranth", came out in June 2007 and has now reached 85,000,000 YouTube views. It's about an angel, wounded to blindness, fallen to earth, who ends up getting confronted by townspeople who attack her in a barn and torch it. She's burned to death because she can't fly and can't see to get away from the fire.

Ki also writes a poem about the same thing, "Fallen Angel". Some years before.

Nightwish was out on tour, with this song and others, during the time Ki could not escape her own fires.

Nightwish sings, in their 2004 hit "Wish I Had an Angel":

"Prepare to hate me
fall when I may
This night will hurt you like never before.
Old loves they die hard,
old lies they die harder
I'm in love with my lust
Burning angel wings to dust...
Wannabe friend
...who betrayed me for nothing!
Last dance, first kiss,
your touch my bliss
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts
I wish I had your angel tonight
I wish I had your angel tonight..."

Ki did not write about wishing she had her angel and betrayal and being hurt at night.
She didn't need to write this.

Because she was living it.

<=> <=> <=> <=> <=>

So, my point. Which was Side A of Ki? Which was Side B? (To use music release terminology of 45 RPM records, now very ancient.) The prime side, and the support side?

The answer is, of course, both of them were. Those final days we spent together, Ki had no sides at all. She was a dissociated circle.

I think when you love someone, you just don't get to love some parts and ignore other parts.
You love the whole person and being.

As many of us did then, and do right now.


Ki's short poem was part of an entry right here on 11 April 2015:

Pachelbel reference is at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pachelbel%27s_Canon

You can hear a delightful synthesizer adaptation by Jeffrey Hall, publishing about three weeks before Kiota left.

Nightwish ref is at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amaranth_(song)
and you can google them on a YouTube search for live concert footage.