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I can't keep falling forever

that one small crack in your soul

Should've known it would end like this, if I put off going for long.

Do you lie in the darkness like me, remembering promises broken now? Do you hear fate laughing his quiet, ironic little laugh? Fate doesn't care about promises.

Do you feel despair snaking into you? It searches out that one small crack in your soul, and that one crack is enough to invade you. But I'm searching, even though I can't move very much, and I'll find you. I will.

It's still dark when I open my eyes, maybe because the lights are out, maybe because I'm blind. The first thread of fear snakes into me. Someone, please turn on the lights. Don't leave me in the dark like this. I'd rather die than be trapped in this darkness. Unless I'm already dead, in which case light and darkness don't make a difference.

Please, just turn on the lights. I can't stand this darkness, not alone.

Is this what it's like to be dead?

I don't hurt anymore. I only wish I could move, or breathe. Why is it so hard to breathe?

I'm not afraid, because the rescuers have come... they haven't given up on me, they're only going on to people who need more help than I.

(completed July 2003: "To The Stars", short fiction [excerpts])


I've quoted short excerpts from the whole piece, scattered around like the chunks of rubble she was lying atop/underneath. Ki puts no name on her lead girl or her lover.

July, 2003. Ki laid this down and refined it while she was thirteen, early fourteen.

It's a poignant roadmap, really, to her own life. Many of these themes would be showing up in her last post to us that she would ever make --- almost five years later.

I'll find you. I will.

Now, *from* the stars. Rubble is long gone.

But she, of course, is not.

Blessings Be.